I Need You Now
by RubyRoy87
Summary: A one-shot inspired by the song "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. Contains a minor Season 4 spoiler but if you haven't heard about it yet, you won't probably understand what I'm talking about. So, the story is not a spoiler in any way.


Two weeks. It had been two weeks since life changed. It had been two weeks since the comfortable balance in life had been upset; two weeks since her heart had been ripped apart.

And even after two weeks it hurt. It hurt badly. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. What she wouldn't give to stop herself from going over the last three years again and again in her mind? She would sell her soul to the devil just to erase the past three years of her life. Only if she could turn back time and prevent the murders that had started it all... Only if she could go back and take all those missed chances to nip in bud the relationship that changed her life. Only if she could unmake the mistakes she made... Only if she could prevent her past self from falling in love, things would have been different; Only if she had been strong enough not to be affected by a man in this way...

Only if she had been strong enough to open her heart to him when she had the chance...

It was a quarter after one at night and Detective Kate Beckett was sitting alone at her desk in the 12th Precinct.

Her team closed the case successfully at eight in the evening. It would have been a bit earlier if she hadn't been distracted. Still, they closed the case early enough. After wrapping up the paperwork, the boys had left at ten, not before poking and prodding her about her state of mind. Ryan had even offered to drop her at her apartment. But Kate didn't want to go back to her cold apartment. She was not looking forward to spend the night alone in her dark apartment. Everything in her apartment reminded her of him, how he would come over to her place, uninvited; How he would always bring Chinese from her favourite restaurant, even though she would insist that she was not hungry; How he would show up at her door to take her to the hospital for check up when she was recovering from her gunshot injury; How he would wait patiently on the couch as Lanie and the physiotherapist helped her in the bedroom with her physiotherapy; How he would force her to decompress with a glass of fine red wine; How they had danced spontaneously to the music on radio when she had been declared fit by the doctor; How he had pulled her into a tight hug when she had broken down after catching her mother's killer; How his scent had comforted her even when the floodgates to her emotions had crashed open. It reminded her how they had fallen asleep on the couch, snuggled in each other's arms while they were watching a rerun of Forbidden Planet on television. It reminded her of her insecurities, of all the battle she had fought within herself, of all the pain she put herself through, trying not to be emotionally invested in this man. It reminded her that once she had given up the fight and decided to take the plunge, her decision had come back to bite her in the ass. All her worst fears had finally come true.

So she wanted to delay going back to her place as long as possible. It helped that her next day was off. So she made up an excuse about some imaginary unfinished papers and asked the boys to go ahead without her. Ryan had looked at her strangely with his concerned blue eyes, looking right through the ruse. Esposito had simply shaken his head like he didn't know what to do. Neither of them had argued with her because they knew that arguments wouldn't work.

It was funny, because the precinct reminded her of him as well. The ding of the elevator door reminded her of him. The empty chair beside her desk reminded her of him. The whirring of the espresso machine in the break room churned her bitter-sweet memories. The ringing of her desk phone, the calls about murders reminded her of him. When she stared at the white murder board, she could almost feel his breath on her shoulders. When she juggled with theories in a case, she would miss the blue twinkle of his eyes. The antics of crazed suspects would remind her of his quips that she missed so dearly. Every time she entered the interrogation room, she could hear his beautiful voice weaving a story to a suspect like a net in which the suspect would soon entangle himself. She missed him when she heard the whirring of overhead fans, in the familiar smell of the bullpen. She missed standing next to him in the elevator. She missed his satisfied smile whenever she sipped the first coffee of the morning. She missed him when... well, she missed him all the time.

The detectives on the night shift were out at a crime scene and the Precinct was empty except for a dozing uniform sitting on a stool by the elevator door. The lights across the room were dimmed and only the lamp over Kate's desk shone brightly. But she hardly realized. She was sitting there motionless, her elbows on the table and her chin resting on her palms, staring blankly at her computer monitor. Her eyes were unblinking and she was far away from the empty precinct. She was lost in memories, those picture perfect memories.

She remembered how he would pull on her pigtails. She remembered those car rides with him at shotgun. She remembered the books and the dedications. She remembered those 'non-dates'. She remembered the kiss and the feelings that had been awakened that night. She remembered how close she had come to surrendering herself to him that night in LA; the desire that had engulfed her mind and body like a vicious flame. She could never forget how hard it was to stand in front of him the next morning and pretend that nothing had happened. She remembered re-reading Royce's letter on the flight and then shifting her gaze to his sleeping form right next to her. It took her a lot of will power not to reach out and caress his cheeks as he slept or to lean across and steal a taste of his lips.

She sighed. This is how he must have felt when she had been with Demming right in front of him, when they had kissed right in front of him. Yes, she had noticed him from the corner of her eye during the kiss. She had felt bad for him then. Later when she had been on the verge of revealing her true feelings, he had walked off with his ex-wife and publisher for the summer. She had felt the pain. She had felt crushed. She had rationalized that it was a karmic payback for putting him through the pain and jealousy.

She had been wrong. If he had felt then anything resembling what she was feeling now, her pain at that time had been too less for a payback.

Then she had gone ahead and put him through all the pain again when Josh introduced himself to the precinct. It was true that she was angry with him for walking away the previous summer, for not calling her but she shouldn't have dropped the bomb like that. She made a mistake. At that time, she was convinced that he didn't care about her. She had decided that he didn't have the right to know what was going on in her personal life.

Then Josh showed up at the precinct that day. One look at his face and she realized how wrong she had been. But by then, it was too late.

Ever since then, her life had fallen into a rhythm. It was not perfect by any means but it was familiar. It was a rhythm that Kate could control, that she could dance to.

Then again her life had been thrown upside down when the captain was killed and she herself got shot. It was a period of trials and tribulations. It was also the test of their relationship. They fought unseen forces together. Kate ultimately overcame death. It took some time before she could stand on her feet and he had been there all the time, standing by her side. She could lean on him for support. Everything changed. Life got even darker for Kate, if it were possible. Even in her darkest hour, he had been her light. He was hope in the bottomless ocean of her despair. He was her strength when her shoulders slumped. When she closed the door on life, he kicked the door open. He was there when Josh wasn't. He had promised to be there for her... Always.

Then one day, they succeeded in catching her mom's killer but the killer was too smart and bit off a cyanide capsule before they had a chance to capture him. Kate had broken down because she felt that the scum had once again managed to evade justice. It was in his arms that she had felt comfort. She had found solace when she had breathed in his scent.

Finally she was ready to take the plunge with him.

Josh had chosen his work over her yet again and Kate had put her foot down. The two of them had a long talk and they decided that their paths were not meant to overlap each other, they were not meant to be. With a kiss and a tear, they bid farewell. What they did not talk about was the fact that Kate had never surrendered her heart to Josh in the first place. She liked Josh a lot, she had also loved him a little but she was never in love with him. Her heart was with that blue eyed writer who had proclaimed his love for her when she was about to close her eyes for the last time. Looking back, it was the worst possible timing but right at that moment, when she was sure that she would never see him again, it felt nice to know that her feelings were reciprocated.

Kate had gone to his loft that evening two weeks ago unannounced to open her heart to him. She wanted him to know that she remembered his spontaneous admission of feelings. She wanted him to know that the feelings were mutual. She was finally ready to admit her feelings to him.

Then, when she had stepped into the hallway, she saw him. She saw them. He was engaged in a frantic kiss with the blonde art insurance inspector who was a suspect in their ongoing investigation. The woman was practically wrapped around him. His shirt was already unbuttoned and was hanging on his shoulders. He was trying to unlock the door to his loft while struggling to maintain his balance.

She took in the sight in front of her. Then she turned around and ran. She ran blindly onto the street and then wandered about aimlessly, not knowing where to go. She knew of only one place in the world that could provide comfort, one place that felt like home... and she was running away from that place.

How had she been that stupid? It was like that fateful summer all over again. How could she commit the same mistake twice? How could he do this to her, twice? She was angry. The first time, she had been served right. She had been playing with his emotions and had chosen another man over him. So when he walked off with another woman in his arms, she could not be angry with him. But this time? He had declared a few months back that he loved her. More than once, Kate had hinted about her true intentions. They were not subtle hints at all. In fact, if he had the slightest common sense, he would have a clear idea about what she was about to do. Why did he have to do it this time? Everything was going so well, why did this man have to be governed by his libido rather than his heart?

She clearly remembered the morning after. He had walked into the precinct with Styrofoam coffee cups in his hand and she had turned him away. He wanted to explain but she didn't want to listen to his excuses. She had told him that she didn't want someone in his team who was sleeping with her suspects. He had denied sleeping with a suspect. The vehement denial had infuriated her and she had driven him out of the precinct. She said she didn't want to see him again and that she wouldn't call.

She didn't see him again. She didn't call. She sat by her phone coldly every time she heard his calls go into the voicemail. Then one day, the calls stopped coming.

But she missed him. She wondered if she ever crossed his mind.

It was a quarter after one and she was all alone. It was unbearable. She needed him. She needed Richard Castle in her life.

(...)

Rick was sitting in his private booth in the Old Haunt, brooding over the past and the present. He felt hollow. He felt the pain and the burning that no alcohol could ease. Two weeks. His life had been torn into pieces two weeks ago. His heart shattered two weeks ago.

Everything was going so well, he thought wistfully. Everything was so fine before they took up the fateful case.

Ever since he had spoken out his feelings that day at the cemetery, things had changed between them. He knew his timing was terrible but as he knelt there in the grass, holding her in his arms and watching her bleed out, he knew he had to let her know. He had feared the worst and he just could not let his feelings remain unspoken forever. So as he watched the solitary tear trickle down her face, her green eyes locked into his, as he begged her not to leave him, he whispered his feelings to her. He hoped that his love would bring her back. It would give her the strength to fight with death.

He had been right. She had fought with death and she had won.

She never said if she remembered his words. She never admitted her feelings for him. But he knew. He had noticed the subtle change in the dynamics.

As he stood by her side while she struggled to regain her fitness, he tried his best to help her, to infuse some joy into her bleak days. She had let him. Unlike herself, she had leaned onto him for support. She had trusted him. The gleam in her emerald eyes spoke volumes. It assured him that she remembered his feelings. It also promised silently that the feeling was mutual. The warmth in her eyes assured him that his wait would be over soon.

Rick was broken out of his reverie when his employee came in silently and placed another shot of whiskey in front of him. He left and Rick looked over to the door. As he felt the drink burn its way down in his throat, he wished she would come sweeping through the door as she did so many times before.

The Old Haunt held so many memories. He remembered the first time they had come together into this bar. He remembered how she shook her hair loose over her shoulders; how she had popped open the button of her shirt, one more than what was necessary, just to rile him up. He remembered how the sight of her creamy smooth skin had sent a pleasant shiver down his spine and how hard he had to fight the sudden wave of desire coursing through his body. Oh, how she had flirted with Brian, the bartender. He clearly remembered the jealous monster rumbling in his chest as he watched her tongue swirl over the bright red cherry, enticing and luring the potential suspect of their case. It had been so difficult not to wrap his fingers in her hair and pull her up to himself and kiss her luscious lips raw; how difficult it was not to press her up against the wall, feeling the warmth of her body upon his.

Yet, it was not only about passion, it was also about love... sweet, tender, love.

He remembered the numerous times the team from the 12th would come here at the end of a long day to unwind themselves. He remembered the many times she would just sit there, slightly buzzed and smile at him. The smile held promises, promises of his feelings being reciprocated. It held promises of warmth in her heart, just for him. The alcohol would help her let her guard down and the tender expression of love and caring would shine nakedly in her beautiful eyes. He remembered the shy smile that would often play on her soft features, tentatively reaching out to warm his heart.

God, he hated this place. It reminded him of everything they could be and they weren't.

All he wanted to do was to curl up in his room under a thick blanket and go to sleep, to never wake up. But everything at the loft reminded him of her as well. His mother's drunken antics reminded him of that woman's musical laughter. He saw her in his daughter's exasperated eye rolls. He remembered her while making pancakes, while tasting wine. The smell of morning coffee reminded him of her. The sweetness of bear claws reminded him of her. Whenever the smell of cherries wafted into his nostrils, grief stabbed his heart again and again. The fake murder board in his study reminded him of her. The electronic sounds of laser tag reminded him of her. The sound of typing on his laptop reminded him of her. Any attempt to write had been futile. Whenever he entered his study, he could hear her voice speaking the words reverberating through his silent loft, "Wow, I feel like Alfred in the Batcave for the first time..."

But he couldn't let the world see his grief. He couldn't let his daughter down. He had to smile every moment, pretending to be "the world's coolest dad" while he died inside, bit by bit. He had to joke about his mother to prove to the world that he was just fine. It was difficult to be there around people who really cared for him and pretend that grief was nor eating away his soul like acid.

Everything was going so fine. She had finally dumped that poor excuse of a boyfriend. Rick could read her like a book and he had seen all the signs. She was preparing herself for the plunge. She had almost extended her hands and taken his hand in hers.

Then Martina Kaye entered his life. That fateful day, when they took up the case, the sexy art insurance investigator entered their lives as a potential suspect. Yes, Martina was gorgeous and sexy but she was nothing compared to her. Rick Castle was a warm blooded male. He had been momentarily swept away by Martina's appeal but that was what it was, momentary. However, that had not escaped Kaye's predatory eyes and she had preyed on him.

He had been warned not to associate himself with Kaye under any circumstance. After all, Kaye was a suspect. He had no intention to associate himself with Kaye in any way. He had grown up inexplicably in the last three years and now, the shallow gorgeousness did not hold any appeal to Castle anymore.

It had happened really fast. Martina was waiting for him in the hallway and before he could react, she had crashed into him and mashed her lips on his. Before he could get over the shock, he found all the buttons of his shirt ripped apart. The blonde beauty wrapped herself around him. As Rick steadied himself, his hand instinctively travelled to the woman's back.

And then he saw her. She was standing across the hall, by the elevator.

He would never forget the look in her eyes. At first, they were blank as the golden green eyes took in the scene in front of them. Rick remembered the exact moment when he saw the hurt and betrayal come crashing over her features. Even in the dim light of the hallway, he had not missed the gleam of the tears that moistened her lashes and threatened to spill on her cheeks. He could see her soft face morph into the stern mask she often wore. He could see her jaws set themselves firmly against each other and her lips press into a firm line. He could see the brunette take the blow at her most vulnerable moment and recoil into her shell.

She turned around. Without saying a word, she left.

All of this happened in the blink of an eye and before he could shake the lusty art insurance investigator off his body, she had disappeared.

Rick ran down the stairs, not waiting for the elevators. Looking back, he realized that was a mistake. He had wasted precious moments on the stairs. After reaching the ground floor, he ran out, huffing and puffing. He could see her nowhere. He kept looking for her all around while still bent on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

She was gone.

The next day, the woman of his dreams unceremoniously kicked him out of the precinct. She never took his calls. She never gave him a chance to explain himself. Years of playing the role of a playboy worked against him. It hurt that she wouldn't give him a chance. It hurt that the woman he loved didn't trust him. But really, could she be blamed? The Richard Castle on Page six was the only one who could be blamed.

Rick missed her badly.

In a slightly drunken haze, Rick wondered if he ever crossed her mind.

He looked at his watch and sighed. It was a quarter after one. He was a little drunk and he had lost all control. He needed her now.

He needed Katherine Beckett.

(...)

Kate could take it no more. She had left the precinct few minutes back but she was still on the street, walking about aimlessly.

She needed him. She needed to take the chance. All the unspoken words that she had planned to tell him that fateful evening bubbled up inside her. No matter how much it hurt her, she had to get her words out. She had to let Rick know how much she loved him. It would hurt her a lot. The pain would be unbearable. Maybe he would walk away once again, with the other woman in his arms. But this time, Kate could not indulge herself in the benefit of doubt. She had to know for certain if Rick really chose the other woman over her.

She would open her heart to him for the first and final time. After all the things he had done for her, after all times he saved her life, he deserved it. She would strip her soul naked for him to see. And she would wait for the pain to pierce her being.

She knew she could be badly hurt. She could be damaged irreparably that night but she didn't care. This numbness was too much to bear.

She would rather hurt than feel nothing at all...

How she knew to find Rick at the Old Haunt would always remain a mystery, even to herself. Maybe it was a connection... Or a coincidence.

Her feet carried her inside through the familiar doors and she swept into the private booth where he had written his first novel ever... Where Rick became Castle.

Rick lifted his head and took in the form standing in front of him.

It was a dream. It was an apparition.

It was Kate Beckett standing in front of him.

Rick didn't know what to do. He never thought he would see her again standing in front of him quietly, her moist green eyes looking softly at him.

He was sure that he was dreaming. It was an elaborate joke that his cruel subconscious mind was playing on him. He had had this dream before. He would run after her like a crazed thirsty man in a desert running after a mirage. She was his oasis and he would never reach her. He would keep running and running until he jerked awake from his slumber.

Yet he could not stop himself. He pushed his chair back and stood up, taking a tentative step towards her. Unlike in his dreams, she stood still. She remained within his reach. She didn't move away.

Still afraid to reach out and touch her, still afraid to believe his drunken mind, he pinched himself on his forearm, hard.

It hurt... a lot. It was a welcome pain. It was not a dream. Kate was indeed here.

He slowly moved forward and stood in front of her. He didn't know what to say. He was in a stupor and it had nothing to do with alcohol.

He reached out and touched her cheek gently. She closed her eyes.

Rick grasped her hand and walked out of the booth quickly, leading her to the basement office. As the door closed behind them, they looked into each other's eyes. It was a silent conversation in which faults were admitted and faults were forgiven. It was their admission of their feelings for each other, the expression of their undying love. Not looking away from her bewitchingly expressive eyes, Rick caressed her face and pulled her to himself, until her lips met his.

He would not waste any more time with words. Words were hollow and meaningless. He would not try to explain himself anymore. No more explanations were necessary. Kate was in front of him. She loved him. He had seen it in her eyes. That was all he needed. This night, Rick would only keep his promises, the promises that he made silently, over the years.

Kate was overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions that had snatched away from her the ability of speech. Her eyes let him know what her voice couldn't and he understood. He always understood. Kate had not understood him when he needed her to but she did now. His eyes said it all. His baby blue eyes never lied. She saw in them the pain that she had caused him. As she felt the warmth of his lips engulf her, she wondered how she had ever doubted the man who was her rock for three years, who had patiently waited for her for three years without any demand.

Kate was indeed sorry but she would make it up to him. She had a whole lifetime ahead of her to make it up to him.

They had a whole lifetime together to make up to each other. They would redeem their foolishness of three years. They would listen to their hearts. It wouldn't be difficult.

They loved each other.

They needed each other.

_A/N: I have no idea what this is. It has been raining constantly for the past five days and the weather is gloomy. As a result, my mood is gloomy as well. I was listening to "Need you now" by Lady Antebellum when I stumbled across this idea. I'm not sure about what I tried to do here... I just went with the flow. If you think it was awful, let me know. If you think it was okay, let me know._

_There is a minor season 4 spoiler here. I am sure it will not play out like this on the show. I guess you guys have already heard about the spoiler. Those who haven't will have no idea what I'm talking about... So, I don't think my story is a spoiler anyway._

_Thanks for reading. Please review and leave your love and/or criticism._

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. I don't own the song "Need you now". I just own a laptop, my fingers and my messed up brain.**_


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